I Have Moved!

I am so sorry for all the inconvenience created. But I hope you'll follow to where am at.
And thats here:

http://psychopneuma.wordpress.com/ 

Why So Long?

It's been more than a month that we had a sleepover.
So this time we are all ecstatic with joy to be "spending the night" together.
So as we are on each other (now now, ease on imagination) fighting, pushing and of course "pillow-fighting", one my friend's nails scratched, dug and uprooted the scales of my skin.

Which brings me to think about, what purpose exactly do long nails serve?

A friend of mine once mentioned "It keeps me from biting them,since they are long" (or since they are comparatively dirty?). Now even for the most hygienic person keeping nails 100% bacteria free is completely impossible or keeping them cleaner than short ones.

So you do end up masticating germs.

So next time maybe you wouldn't want to wince at a nose-booger-eater since obviously his/her germ intake is WAY less than yours' (long nail keepers cum biters).

Well long nails can be put to use for many chores, like secondary option for when you can't find that damned bottle opener (secondary in case you don't brush too often to have good teeth and tertiary if otherwise).

OR

Scratch the hell out of your boyfriend who cheated on you with that 'bitch' you always were despised of.(Although I wouldn't mind a kick in the balls as remembrance either)

And some of the following ones which could be possibly possible.

Alternative Music: Nails scratching on a black board. The screeching voice of a metal singer isn't irritating anymore now is it?

Extendibles: When that remote is just one cm away and all that you need are? Long nails!

Piercing: This I is swear is true. Nail piercing. Apparently, it's the new "it" thing .__.

Excuses: Long nails. More fragile. Less work.

Storage: For those who claim they have "sanitized" nails use 'em to store your snacks.

Writing Instrument: Remember the times of feather-in-ink-dipped pens? Start a new trend.

Fashion: Tattoo on 'em. In case it's your ex-Boyfriend's/girlfriend's(yes, guys too keep long nails! sometimes with nail paint!) name, cut 'em off(At least that would help get rid off those dragon paws).

Cooking: When you're making that "baingan ka bharta" and you need to poke the knife into the Brinjal(Eggplant). Well, you have 10 knifes with you now(Yea, they are that sharp in case you did not know). But, please do not feed the "bharta" to anyone else but yourself.

Luscious Hair: Finger combing. An alternative to a comb but make sure you know how to deal with the dandruff that will be stuck in you "clean" nails.(Just like bacteria, dandruff is never 100% absent)

Guinness World Record: Every stupid act will have this one as a reason.



P.S: Just cut those smutty long nails off or keep them far far away from those who are positively hygienic. 




   

Girls, Are Biased

Yeah. It's a confession.

(Malodorous, shaggy guy, half-drooling after seeing a pretty girl)
Smelly guy: You look beautiful.
Irked out girl: Get lost! you moron! 

(Cute/hot guy. Hot clothes on hot bod ooo la la)

Hot guy: You look pretty in that dress.

Bewitched girl(OMG!): less talk more kiss!

Now, before you get all finger-pointy-ha ha on me, give it a thought. Would you be welcoming or willing to be cordial with someone who is in a shape worse than a chicken-pox ridden or a jaundice ridden patient?

Of course, I never mentioned that the 'straight-out-of-ed,edd and eddy neighborhood' guy looks less cute or more ugly, but it is difficult to look past a repulsive exterior.

Presentation counts.

Mind you, this whole situation applies to guys too. They wouldn't want to approach a girl who isn't well dressed or well groomed(Now boobs, is an altogether different situation/aspect).

But, that doesn't mean that you get all groomed up and go Johnny Bravo on girls and expect them to be impressed. But a little bit of hair combing(ok, finger combing), a little bit of nail cutting really does go a long way.

A shabby guy in my college has a severe case of ill-maintained feet. Even worse than the bunion ridden ones of Posh! It's not like there is any need for pedicure treatments but just cutting the nails would do the job too. It isn't everything that is needed to pull off an impressive personality, but makes it somewhat easier. 

After all what are the chances that you would get a job pulling off a sloppy look no matter how intelligent you are?

Although, it could work in our Mumbai trains where maybe people would give you a breathable space when you're all smelly hair and yucky clothes. But then again, they might not and while you're stuck in the worst possible travelling vehicle, you have to tolerate your own stink and of course of those around you.(Its like a thousand people in a room, even if you do open the windows, how the hell is air suppose to enter!)

So suit up 'cause don't you still believe that beauty would fall for a smelly hairy beast!

Word A Mouth, No Load On Head.

We all speak crap from time to time.

Crappy jokes.
Crappy comments.
Amazing sarcastic comments which aren't understood by anyone and hence turn crappy.

But, the crappiest ones are the ones which give you a gag reflex worse than a shot of Castor oil would.

You wish you could make them go mute, turn the words back, maybe shut your ears

OR 

punch 'em in the face hard enough for it to turn inside out (whose crap-talking now, bitch!)

But, sadly punching is not always an easy or possible option. How am I suppose to punch my professor who is going to be grading my papers?

Or punch my frog mouth "friend" who is too thin to be size 0?

Here is one incident.

Frog Mouth Female: So you are all dressed up eh...party?

(She has forgotten my bday, but I didn't invite her for the party so I don't bother to remind.)

Me: hmmmmm *smiles*

(Somehow, frog mouths never want you to talk much, sometimes not even a word.)

FMF: So, you hair looks less than before, what happened?

(LESS?????I am 20, wtf makes you think I'd be balding!)

ME: You mean short right? I cut it.

FMF: Yea, that only, less it looks.

(Yeeeeah, puh-tey-toh, puh-tuh-toh.)

While this was just a self-exhibition of the epitome of a moronic speech, there are moments when you get an altogether different perspective towards a person's sense of reasoning. Even the most perceptive people sometimes end up giving remarks that could leave you puzzled.

When talking about usual crap while me and 6 of my friends crammed up in a car meant for 4, there came a point when we started talking about sex discrimination.
We were talking about how our parents from time to time favor our male siblings especially when it comes to the future thinking of how a male heir is most important to take forward the family name and money. Thankfully that has never been the case when it came to our education which is a great deal.

At this moment, one of my otherwise reasonable friend made a statement that left me astound.

"Its not important that our parent's provide equal education, the equal property provision matters more."

Maybe she meant it. Maybe or rather most probably it came out in the heat of the conversation.

Statements made in an impulse leave deep impressions, good or bad. They are the ones heard more acutely than the usual conversational colloquial.

But then, there are moments like the next one which make u realize ignorance is bliss.

(After a fight with my friend for interfering in a serious argument between me and another guy and apologizing on my behalf even though it wasn't my fault)

Stupid Friend: Hey I am really sorry for what happened that day.

Me: It doesn't matter. You knew that guy was wrong but you had to take his side and bring me to tears.

SF: Which is why I am apologizing to you now. I realized I was wrong.

Me: Took you three days for that?Why didn't you apologize that day or next day?

SF: I know. I should have. I am bad with words. I didn't know what to say then.

(I don't know what to say now!)

Those Weird Awkward Moments

Now maybe not everyone is going to agree with me on this(of course those lucky and relieved ones!), especially not au courant time but for me and many around me it is as nail-bitingly awkward to have a sex-discussion with my parents as nervously awkward hocking a loogie whilst talking to my crush is(and of course embarrassing). It's as if you never know what to say next. It could make the situation more perplexing than it is. It could turn into an event(horrific moment) where things start to turn against you and your secrets start amping out(you don't do sex discussions with your parents, hell ya you know what secrets I'm talking about!).Or maybe worse. For me, on the other hand, it was a moment of awkward silence followed by a kiddie giggle(mind you that wasn't me).

One day I find this scummy looking worm in my house which happened to be a tad bit smaller than a maggot(not a tad less disgusting one though) and once I am done bug spraying, disposing, sanitizing with an acid that can burn down a metal, I am left with the dreaded thought of where it came from(Meanwhile I find a another disgusting one).

So going by the fact how obsessively curious a soul I am and thus after my toiling, travailing, slogging research(googling. Its hard work. Choosing the right words is.) I found out its a larvae out of a 'flour moth'.
Thats it.
No dead bodies buried inside the wall.
No mummies under the wooden boards.
Just some stupid flour moths.

Incidentally or rather coincidentally my mother spots a flour moth on the wall. She takes a closer look and what appears to her is a conjoined pair of flour moths. After conjoined humans, bananas, strawberries, it's conjoined FLOUR MOTHS!

I used to think the story my mother told me about eating conjoined bananas and hence bearing conjoined twins is rather funny. When once I satirically was about to eat one(or do I call it a pair?) and found my mother do a matrix move to stop me from eating it and thence confirming that to her its not a funny story, it left me dumbfounded and scared(I mean, matrix move!).

So I went ahead to scrutinize this particular conjoined moth(s?)(it is really confusing. Is it still singular if its a twin?Or do I always refer to them as a pair like I do for my jeans?).

From blowing air into their faces(or maybe asses) to slightly poking them, nothing seemed to make them move. So I was almost convinced that its a conjoined one(Oh my god NOBEL PRIZE!), but just to be beyond any shadow of doubt I trapped it(still conjoined!) in a transparent box and moved it vigorously and it still wont separate!
And just in a minute when my golden moment seemed to be so close, so near, they separated.
They frigging separated.

When I announced abased that it was a false alarm, my mother came back questioning why they weren't moving previously.

Mom: Why didn't it move when you poked it?

Me: (don't frigging say sex, or mating)They were in the egg transfer process.

Mom: What?

Me: They were mating(damn it).

Awkward silence. Dad looks up, stares at me, arches his brows, goes back to watching t.v.

Mom: hehehehehehehe
(thats the kiddie giggle I was talking about!)

I think I prefer hocking a loogie in front of my crush.

'Re'-public 'Re'-visited

I love Republic day. Its the most patriotic time of the year. Most patriotic because unlike Independence day, no flags are expelled into drains and around garbage cans(Its India, things do not fall inside the garbage cans. If it does, its just a lucky shot) which were once swayed into the pride-filled air at daybreak.

I love how the society turns on loud music on the one day when I get a break from my drudging monotonous college which starts at the crack-of-dawn(For someone who gets up at 11 in the morning, 8 is the dawn).
Although I do get the patriotic zealousness, but what I do not get is blaring of deafening noise right from 7 am in the morning. For someone who is sleep deprived almost permanently striking a holiday is much more exciting than striking a bunch of gold, so I am sorry if I am not on the same page of patriotism as my other fellow Indians.

Whats more interesting is how "desh ke veer jawano ka" "munni badnaam hui". Yep! that is what the transition from the blood sacrificing freedom fighters to blood sucked item girls sounds like. Its almost like a funeral turning into a frat party!

For those who do not like PDA to express their love for our country and choose to do it behind close doors there is always the idiot box. Also, this is the only or the second(one being Independence day) chance in a year that insomniacs are bestowed upon with sleep whilst watching T.V. Having said that I humbly sympathize with the doordarshan reporters who undergo deja-vu trial almost every year. If I had to pick differences between a flock of crows on a wire and a string of Republic day reruns, I am confident the former is possible.

Even so, the reporters do have their moments of capturing politicians who activate into nose digging, snoring, snorting, ear picking and almost every other chore but watching the show(who would?). Watching it for a second time is a mistake seldom would anyone commit so their actions remain unknown to them and thence repeat every year(or maybe its like a gag reflex, impossible to stop).

The one anomalous thing about watching the "patriotic programme" on T.V is the part where you can turn it off. The situation is not consistent with societal music. Perseverance is the key here. Basically I need to bear with it and think about how, right now being deaf is such a blessing! Finally the folks do get saturated of patriotism overplay and I get to have at least a peaceful evening. Jai Hind.

Spontaneous Decisions and Debaucherous Ladies

The decision of skipping college is never a planned one. It always happens spontaneously and its a good thing because if you do plan to skip college in advance then it will never end up in implementation. 


After a marathon of alarm snoozes and the hoopla of being late for college, as I got myself ready and just when I was good to go, my friend messages me:


"Hey i don't feel so good. I'm skipping college today."


uh oh.


So now, my friend isn't going to college, the next day is anyways a holiday(republic day Jai hind! Jai holiday!). I did my math.
Spending the whole day at home is such a pain when you have a whining sibling who is incidentally on pins and needles the moment you help yourself to the computer.(I totally regret my decision now)
I held my horses and withstood the remaining day while being impatiently patient about the evening.


Evenings are always good. Meeting up with friends, those as jobless as you are and spending the time pondering, analyzing, seriously discussing about all kinds of shit topics in the world and giving passing-by strangers the impression that we are into a serious discussion.


Today we decided to play badminton for a change. As we got out our racquets and a shuttlecock, which looked like it was charged with execution by skinning(we being the executioners, skinning prematurely half done) we started playing on a side road giving up the lawn to the kids(we are really nice people. Besides they didn't look like kids.They were almost as tall as us and looked mean). Eventually they were done playing when it was their curfew time(Kids!) and we took over the lawn(hah!).


Life is a bitch.


The wuthering cock withered(all the puns in the world intended). After great efforts we eventually succeeded in replacing it with a new shuttlecock.(going to the shop, impatiently waiting for the shopkeeper to stop her shit work and freaking hand us the shuttlecock, enjoying an ice-candy)


Like is said, Life is a bitch.


The new, brand new shuttlecock, whose label however gave away at first hit, flung across the air and magically jumped into the balcony of the first floor. Its like Grim Reaper was hovering over us waiting to kill our badminton game. We got back to playing with the defective cock(hell, no pun intended!!!) while waiting for the fellow on the first floor to get back home. Of course, he never did.


Then a few puberty-stricken girls walked towards us exclaiming how the female in that apartment is shuttlecock-hungry. 


You won't get the shuttlecock now even if they are home.


But there are three of 'em lying on the balcony.


The lady doesn't give cocks in the evening.


(oh really)Why not?


She is just mean.She will only give in the morning and maybe noon if she is in the mood.


(are we talking about the same thing?) uh.ok.

Involuntary Muscles

Knowing my onions about sleep, I can say that waking up from it always makes me fight through the pain. If waking up wasn't bad enough there is walking away from the bed which is a herculean task! To rid myself of any sleepiness or grogginess there is always the good ol' newspaper. From political indiscretions to theft to every thing that happens around the world almost everyday and which gradually seems to border upon like a regular schedule like brushing or bathing(may not be regular under specific circumstances), somehow the journalists always manage to make them sound brand new.

In spite of its regularity the one issue(crime,sin whatever you call it) that always shocks, disgusts and abases me is rape. This is no issue alien to any. Although countries like U.S have strict laws against rape and consider the situations under which the alleged is charged with rape, countries like our own do little towards protecting their women.

With the education of women being low due to poverty and male domination, many girls and women do not even understand the laws or even basics like differences between molestation and rape. Many a times rape cases in my city itself have either been dismissed by the court or have pardoned the criminals with minimum punishment due to claims of lack of evidence(that is just so political!).The other times, society(read:men) has slammed the women responsible for "bringing this upon themselves" due to salacious clothing. If that is so how do they wish to explain rape cases involving 12 year old or ten year old or 18 month old girls!
http://www.ndtv.com/article/cities/man-rapes-an-18-month-old-baby-81163.

In countries like U.A.E or KSA committing rape is considered a heinous crime and is granted with a death penalty. Even so, the Qatif girl rape case in mid 2006, one which created major uproar had a different verdict on the criminals. Initially the girl was charged with 90 lashes for meeting a man with neither blood nor law relation in isolation. Since this is considered a crime in Saudi the court carried out the necessary steps. But when it came to convicting the criminals(7 men who repeatedly raped her) the court did not impose death penalty claiming lack of evidence. Later on, the judicial system increased the victim's punishment by claiming she had an extra-marital affair(now, they had evidence for that). Finally the king intervened(yeah =\) due to media attention and pardoned her while giving the impression that he forgave her of her crimes. Those involved in protecting and advocating the victim were slammed and banned in the name of attracting media attention. Even the family and the husband of the victim who supported her(rare in rape cases) were put under surveillance by the moral police and had their phones tapped. Surprisingly, or not, many rape cases experience the same fate.What was important here and in every other rape case is the right punishment of the rapist.

When under world media attention, many other countries chose to criticize this topic and claimed that is the result of Islamic roots and followings. I somehow, beg to differ. African countries and even our own do little towards taking action against commitment of such crimes. Its not the religion but the insignificant importance towards female protection, rights and respect.

The world is no disneyland. What is done against the wrong is what counts.

It is humanly impossible for a woman to not stand in the shoes of a rape victim and imagine the abhorrent memories she is damned with. Being a woman, it really gets my goat to hear obstinate, sexist and misogynistic men talk about how women bring rape upon themselves by their own indecencies in attitude and/or attire. Its rape. Some one touched me without my consent. He needs to be punished rightfully. No matter what the relationship is. period.

If a man cannot keep it in his pants or considers it as an involuntary muscle, he and he alone has to pay the price for it and not the woman whose existence has been asphyxiated as a result of it.

Did you come here to workout?

Gym-ming became a prevalent routine in the recent times. And like every other Indian who although live a healthy life, mistaken themselves to be fat and join the gym,  I too followed suit. It was a mistake. A humongous mistake. Especially because I am a female specie who joined a unisex gym. Now if you are under the impression that men workout in gyms exclusively for the purpose of mounting, intensifying, multiplying bouts of muscles and donning the image of incredible hulk(the green color is implicit btw, after all, what color do you think you would turn into by lifting weights as heavy as big show himself?) then your wrong! They enter gyms to gossip(shocking!.__.),ogle at the opposite sex (or same), exhibit their 'hulkness' in front of them and at rare moments to workout.

Being a mumbaitee and being gawked at almost every place including stations, roads, while strolling in a park.

The gym doesn't stand any exception.While you are sweating it out vigorously, the men will hover around like the men hovering around an item girl during an item song, and if your not the kind of female who loves being looked at by a gazillion men at the same time, this is terribly nerve-wrecking. Whats more is when trainers(who posses barrels of fat around their tummy and barrels of muscles around their arms along with chicken legs) indulge in pep talks with you while 'advising' you about the 'profitable' exercises.

In case your a fan of music coalition along with our workout....get your own FREAKING music player! Never ever take the dreading decision of exercising to the gym's music. You could end up working out to some of govinda's jiggy wiggies!

My verdict: get a few weights home, the equipments are anyways a waste and a little dose of Ramdev baba's stints always give a funny workout.