Why So Long?

It's been more than a month that we had a sleepover.
So this time we are all ecstatic with joy to be "spending the night" together.
So as we are on each other (now now, ease on imagination) fighting, pushing and of course "pillow-fighting", one my friend's nails scratched, dug and uprooted the scales of my skin.

Which brings me to think about, what purpose exactly do long nails serve?

A friend of mine once mentioned "It keeps me from biting them,since they are long" (or since they are comparatively dirty?). Now even for the most hygienic person keeping nails 100% bacteria free is completely impossible or keeping them cleaner than short ones.

So you do end up masticating germs.

So next time maybe you wouldn't want to wince at a nose-booger-eater since obviously his/her germ intake is WAY less than yours' (long nail keepers cum biters).

Well long nails can be put to use for many chores, like secondary option for when you can't find that damned bottle opener (secondary in case you don't brush too often to have good teeth and tertiary if otherwise).

OR

Scratch the hell out of your boyfriend who cheated on you with that 'bitch' you always were despised of.(Although I wouldn't mind a kick in the balls as remembrance either)

And some of the following ones which could be possibly possible.

Alternative Music: Nails scratching on a black board. The screeching voice of a metal singer isn't irritating anymore now is it?

Extendibles: When that remote is just one cm away and all that you need are? Long nails!

Piercing: This I is swear is true. Nail piercing. Apparently, it's the new "it" thing .__.

Excuses: Long nails. More fragile. Less work.

Storage: For those who claim they have "sanitized" nails use 'em to store your snacks.

Writing Instrument: Remember the times of feather-in-ink-dipped pens? Start a new trend.

Fashion: Tattoo on 'em. In case it's your ex-Boyfriend's/girlfriend's(yes, guys too keep long nails! sometimes with nail paint!) name, cut 'em off(At least that would help get rid off those dragon paws).

Cooking: When you're making that "baingan ka bharta" and you need to poke the knife into the Brinjal(Eggplant). Well, you have 10 knifes with you now(Yea, they are that sharp in case you did not know). But, please do not feed the "bharta" to anyone else but yourself.

Luscious Hair: Finger combing. An alternative to a comb but make sure you know how to deal with the dandruff that will be stuck in you "clean" nails.(Just like bacteria, dandruff is never 100% absent)

Guinness World Record: Every stupid act will have this one as a reason.



P.S: Just cut those smutty long nails off or keep them far far away from those who are positively hygienic. 




   

Word A Mouth, No Load On Head.

We all speak crap from time to time.

Crappy jokes.
Crappy comments.
Amazing sarcastic comments which aren't understood by anyone and hence turn crappy.

But, the crappiest ones are the ones which give you a gag reflex worse than a shot of Castor oil would.

You wish you could make them go mute, turn the words back, maybe shut your ears

OR 

punch 'em in the face hard enough for it to turn inside out (whose crap-talking now, bitch!)

But, sadly punching is not always an easy or possible option. How am I suppose to punch my professor who is going to be grading my papers?

Or punch my frog mouth "friend" who is too thin to be size 0?

Here is one incident.

Frog Mouth Female: So you are all dressed up eh...party?

(She has forgotten my bday, but I didn't invite her for the party so I don't bother to remind.)

Me: hmmmmm *smiles*

(Somehow, frog mouths never want you to talk much, sometimes not even a word.)

FMF: So, you hair looks less than before, what happened?

(LESS?????I am 20, wtf makes you think I'd be balding!)

ME: You mean short right? I cut it.

FMF: Yea, that only, less it looks.

(Yeeeeah, puh-tey-toh, puh-tuh-toh.)

While this was just a self-exhibition of the epitome of a moronic speech, there are moments when you get an altogether different perspective towards a person's sense of reasoning. Even the most perceptive people sometimes end up giving remarks that could leave you puzzled.

When talking about usual crap while me and 6 of my friends crammed up in a car meant for 4, there came a point when we started talking about sex discrimination.
We were talking about how our parents from time to time favor our male siblings especially when it comes to the future thinking of how a male heir is most important to take forward the family name and money. Thankfully that has never been the case when it came to our education which is a great deal.

At this moment, one of my otherwise reasonable friend made a statement that left me astound.

"Its not important that our parent's provide equal education, the equal property provision matters more."

Maybe she meant it. Maybe or rather most probably it came out in the heat of the conversation.

Statements made in an impulse leave deep impressions, good or bad. They are the ones heard more acutely than the usual conversational colloquial.

But then, there are moments like the next one which make u realize ignorance is bliss.

(After a fight with my friend for interfering in a serious argument between me and another guy and apologizing on my behalf even though it wasn't my fault)

Stupid Friend: Hey I am really sorry for what happened that day.

Me: It doesn't matter. You knew that guy was wrong but you had to take his side and bring me to tears.

SF: Which is why I am apologizing to you now. I realized I was wrong.

Me: Took you three days for that?Why didn't you apologize that day or next day?

SF: I know. I should have. I am bad with words. I didn't know what to say then.

(I don't know what to say now!)

Spontaneous Decisions and Debaucherous Ladies

The decision of skipping college is never a planned one. It always happens spontaneously and its a good thing because if you do plan to skip college in advance then it will never end up in implementation. 


After a marathon of alarm snoozes and the hoopla of being late for college, as I got myself ready and just when I was good to go, my friend messages me:


"Hey i don't feel so good. I'm skipping college today."


uh oh.


So now, my friend isn't going to college, the next day is anyways a holiday(republic day Jai hind! Jai holiday!). I did my math.
Spending the whole day at home is such a pain when you have a whining sibling who is incidentally on pins and needles the moment you help yourself to the computer.(I totally regret my decision now)
I held my horses and withstood the remaining day while being impatiently patient about the evening.


Evenings are always good. Meeting up with friends, those as jobless as you are and spending the time pondering, analyzing, seriously discussing about all kinds of shit topics in the world and giving passing-by strangers the impression that we are into a serious discussion.


Today we decided to play badminton for a change. As we got out our racquets and a shuttlecock, which looked like it was charged with execution by skinning(we being the executioners, skinning prematurely half done) we started playing on a side road giving up the lawn to the kids(we are really nice people. Besides they didn't look like kids.They were almost as tall as us and looked mean). Eventually they were done playing when it was their curfew time(Kids!) and we took over the lawn(hah!).


Life is a bitch.


The wuthering cock withered(all the puns in the world intended). After great efforts we eventually succeeded in replacing it with a new shuttlecock.(going to the shop, impatiently waiting for the shopkeeper to stop her shit work and freaking hand us the shuttlecock, enjoying an ice-candy)


Like is said, Life is a bitch.


The new, brand new shuttlecock, whose label however gave away at first hit, flung across the air and magically jumped into the balcony of the first floor. Its like Grim Reaper was hovering over us waiting to kill our badminton game. We got back to playing with the defective cock(hell, no pun intended!!!) while waiting for the fellow on the first floor to get back home. Of course, he never did.


Then a few puberty-stricken girls walked towards us exclaiming how the female in that apartment is shuttlecock-hungry. 


You won't get the shuttlecock now even if they are home.


But there are three of 'em lying on the balcony.


The lady doesn't give cocks in the evening.


(oh really)Why not?


She is just mean.She will only give in the morning and maybe noon if she is in the mood.


(are we talking about the same thing?) uh.ok.

Did you come here to workout?

Gym-ming became a prevalent routine in the recent times. And like every other Indian who although live a healthy life, mistaken themselves to be fat and join the gym,  I too followed suit. It was a mistake. A humongous mistake. Especially because I am a female specie who joined a unisex gym. Now if you are under the impression that men workout in gyms exclusively for the purpose of mounting, intensifying, multiplying bouts of muscles and donning the image of incredible hulk(the green color is implicit btw, after all, what color do you think you would turn into by lifting weights as heavy as big show himself?) then your wrong! They enter gyms to gossip(shocking!.__.),ogle at the opposite sex (or same), exhibit their 'hulkness' in front of them and at rare moments to workout.

Being a mumbaitee and being gawked at almost every place including stations, roads, while strolling in a park.

The gym doesn't stand any exception.While you are sweating it out vigorously, the men will hover around like the men hovering around an item girl during an item song, and if your not the kind of female who loves being looked at by a gazillion men at the same time, this is terribly nerve-wrecking. Whats more is when trainers(who posses barrels of fat around their tummy and barrels of muscles around their arms along with chicken legs) indulge in pep talks with you while 'advising' you about the 'profitable' exercises.

In case your a fan of music coalition along with our workout....get your own FREAKING music player! Never ever take the dreading decision of exercising to the gym's music. You could end up working out to some of govinda's jiggy wiggies!

My verdict: get a few weights home, the equipments are anyways a waste and a little dose of Ramdev baba's stints always give a funny workout.